This can be said a reply in a post version

Well I don't care of what it's called

Sorry for unrelated post with some share of knowledge

Me, myself..

No one will ever be able to understand of what is there deeply in my heart

Unless you went through what I went through

My heart screams

No one will ever know

My heart hurts

No one will ever notice

I know this may be offensive, but..

Sometimes I thought to myself

DO REAL FRIENDS EXIST IN THIS WORLD?

Or maybe it was me?

It was me whom had hurt myself?

Whom is expecting people to understand when I didn't tell anything?

I don't want to exaggerate.

I don't want to tell everything I did or even sacrificed.

Till there are some times I did ending up telling what I did though it was just generally

It was hurting when you said that I'm not trying to understand any of you

While every second it was bothering my focus, my studies

I never tell any of you that I can't even concentrate on what I'm doing in class or even in my routine of life

But now, I think I have to say it

If not, none of you will ever know how hard I tried to be the best, to understand better, to love better

I have never tell any of you of this

I cried when I tell what was in my heart to my sister

It was so hard for me to retain my tears when I reminisce of how I tried every single thing without your notice to be the best just like you wanted

It has been two to three weeks

I had never spoke of this though I couldn't do anything right

It was hurting when you yelled

It was hurting when you ignored

It was hurting when you denied

It was hurting you left me behind

This is what I call that "I can't be the best though I was supposed to be your best friend"

And all these caused me to be such a miserable person for almost a month just because of all of you

I'm sorry

I never tell you this

But I'm hurt seeing I can't be by my best friend but the purple girl is with you all the time

When it seems you were more comfortable with her

I'm sorry

I never said this

But I'm hurt seeing you two with your classmates all time and we never had our recess together like before

Never walked back home together as before

All this may seem small, but it gave a huge impact to my routine life

This heart screamed everyday

This pair of eyes held tears everyday

I just want you three to know

How I tried to be the best

To suit to your wish

To suit to your changes

Last,

I need  you to think of..

You and your classmates on recess

But why didn't I went on recess with MY classmates?

You and your classmates went out

But why I didn't went out with MY classmates?

Have any of you notice this?

I have never went out, went recess with anyone else other that you guys

Well maybe there are times I went to the mosque, but it was alone

Maybe I went to weddings, but it was just twice

Maybe to you guys..

"Who forbids you from doing all that?"

"Who asks you to be with me all time?"

Let me tell you..

IT WAS BECAUSE I CAN'T SPEND TIME BETTER WITH ANY OTHER FRIENDS THAN YOU GUYS

If you're gonna blame me more, I have nothing to be said.

If you say you miss me, I don't see it.

If you say you felt bad for me, I don't see it.

All I see was, I'm not as important as I was before.

If you say I wasn't as gentle as before

IT WAS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU HAVE SOMEBODY BETTER THAN ME TO BE WITH YOU

You asked me to stop being harsh

I TRIED BUT YOU NEVER EVEN SEE NOR APPRECIATE WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO

Well..

I'm sorry

You can blame me, but I have nothing to say anymore because I couldn't even describe anything more